The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
