Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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