living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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