u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
