i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize
