This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
