I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
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