I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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