Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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