Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
