just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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