im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
