Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
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