your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
