I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
