I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
