All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
love makes seman taste better
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
