The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
I lost the right to judge tonight
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
