im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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