my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I understand Curling. That high.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
