2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
