You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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