After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
