i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
