I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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