You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
