hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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