why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
