Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
