Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
