I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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