Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
What a dumb baby whore.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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