so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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