I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
cat food counts as protein by the way
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
