Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Randomize
