You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I love you. Go after that dick
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
