You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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