Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
