I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
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