I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
