I heard we made out
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Couch. On fire.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
