Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
