just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
Randomize
