I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
