I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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