I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
