She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
