actually, I'm a sock model
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
