Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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