i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
